"Now Metalia," you're probably saying to yourself, "Surely there are more important things going on in your life and the world at large, such that you realize how stupid it is to care about deodorant." And you're right, which is exactly WHY I'm choosing to care focus on the deodorant! If I don't, I'll start obsessing over why starlings are just DROPPING FROM THE DAMN SKY like misfires in Angry Birds, or why THOUSANDS OF FISH ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY DYING AS THOUGH SHREK FARTED IN A POND. So it's either focus on the deodorant, or spend my evenings constructing a doomsday shelter out of what appear to be my most abundant resources: Anthropologie cardigans, and shoes. Accordingly, it will be whimsical, yet shoddy.
I am doomed.
Deodorant it is!
I am very particular about deodorant. When I was in fourth grade, wearing deodorant -- regardless of whether it was yet necessary for you, personally -- was arbitrarily determined to be a Very Cool Thing To Do, and a subcategory of this Very Cool Thing To Do was that you had to use aerosol spray. You needed to be as obvious as possible about your Deodorant-Wearing Status, I guess, and basically, what we had there was 18 little girls -- who probably smelled perfectly fine -- constantly whipping out huge spray cans of deodorant between classes, world-weary expressions on their faces. "Oh, man. Here I go. Gotta spray the deodorant. No choice. Such is life," our world-weary expressions said. Like we weren't SECRETLY OVERJOYED to be among the deodorized. And like we'd just run back-to-back marathons, and hadn't been...sitting still, learning how to find Botswana on a map. SO much physical exertion!!
A few years later, I realized I loathed spray deodorant, (so cold! so sticky! so always-accidentally-up-my-nose-y!) and there were other options out there. After some trial and error, I realized a few things: anything in the "powder" genre makes me want to choke/barf, gel never truly dries, and ultimately, I really, really prefer solids over any other form.
Which brings me to my point.
If you were scouting out a new deodorant, and you saw the phrase "advanced solid" on the front, wouldn't you assume it was, in fact, solid? A normal, straight-up solid, advanced, perhaps, only in the degree of Magical Deodorant Protection it offered?
And not, say, an amorphous mushblob encased in hard plastic? The base of which you had to CLICK CLICK CLICK to access (which was, I'm sure, super enjoyable for others to hear at 5:50 in the goddamn morning, when you were attempting to apply it, like, for instance, your sleeping husband, and no, this isn't getting hyper-specific, this is just a normal run-of-the-mill example for everybody, ever, I don't know what you're talking about)? And then you had to smoosh the "advanced solid" out through the squiggly holes in the plastic top, in a manner reminiscent of the Play-Doh Fun Factory? Only instead of playfully crafting dough faces and spaghetti, you're stuck sort of...smearing deodorant goo around on your person? And you wonder precisely just what the hell happened?
I have been deceived, is what I'm saying, and I will not stand for it. I mean, I will, because I can't find the receipt, but you know what I'm saying, which is that INSIDE, I'm very busy, not standing for it. SONS OF SCOTLAND, I AM WILLIAM WALLACE, and all that.
Seriously--Is there ANYONE who likes this type of deodorant? What form do you use? And yes, I'm really asking, but I'm doing it for all of us, because: anything to keep from thinking about the dead birds. And fish. (OMG AND NOW CRABS? The Mayans were right all along!)
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45 comments:
I use...this. This very deodorant, simply because it also comes in a "waterproof" variety - I teach dance fitness classes and sweat like a bastard (sorry! That's not gross at all!) so I find this to be the most effective I've tried. And I've tried literally everything.
But I have to agree with you - it's not even remotely a solid!
I like solids, but real solids. Not that gel masquerading as a solid. That's just wrong.
I ONLY use this kind! It just kind of melts into the BO-cave that is your armpit - sexy description, no?
I am so happy to read about something different then the world ending from falling birds and drowning fish.
I have bought that kind before and you didn't even mention the high price tag...it sucks.
Try Dove. I am happy with the results.
No, I didn't just write a comment about deodrant!
I also use this deodorant AND I love that the whole stupid Play-Doh Fun Factory thing. My reasoning is that I am ONLY touching my skin with the deodorant I am using that day. With other solids I feel like I'm just rubbing on a combo of deodorant and yesterday's armpit after I've been using the bar for a while.
Umm, I use this exact kind. But I'm with you on the whole "not a solid" thing, because it clearly is some kind of...paste? Not a solid. I actually apply it at night- I think the label said to do this? It absorbs or something? Anyway, I apply this at night and just sleep in an old t-shirt and then in the morning? I don't need any deodorant! No white marks on my shirts ever again! And I sweat an unreasonable amount, so the no-deodorant option in the morning is pretty amazing. I mean, with this stuff I don't even sweat when I work out.
But yeah. Not a solid.
First of all, I AM FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE MASS DYING OF ANIMALS HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!
Secondly, I love the solid Dove stuff. That is all.
I am just DYING at the thought of a bunch of little girls whipping out aerosol deo cans in the middle of the day. Dying. Back out west, deoderant was indeed a Very Cool Thing To Do as well, but our coolness came in the heady form of Teen Spirit combined with CK1 perfume.
(still not over the aerosol images)
I am a faithful (2nd generation!) user of the classic Mitchum roll-on deoderant (scented & unscented). May be wet when you roll on, but it dries quickly and has stood up to both the sticky Manhattan summers and the "feels like you're sticking your face in the oven" Arizona summers.
(will still be giggling about the image of little girls aerosoling their armpits all night)
I tried to use one of those gooey gel deodorants before and felt like I had Vaseline in my armpits all day. EW. Thanks for bringing back a traumatic memory. I may have PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress from Deodorant.
Delurking!
This is actually my favorite deodorant. I apply it in the mornings (counter the instructions) and if you ... rub it in there, it dries really quickly. And then if you get it on your clothes, it's just dried white stuff you can brush off really easily!
Yeah I just found this and although I agree on its distinct lack of solidity I love that it actually WORKS. I've been searching for something that will do what it is supposed to do (deodorize my stank) and this is it. My pits smell like Febreze!
I used to think that I had deodorants all figured out, then a friend who had been struggling with rashes, told me about crystal deodorants made with 100% natural mineral salts. I thought I'd try it just for fun and got a travel size. And by golly, it's not a magic hippie ROCK, it actually works! It has no scent and absolutely passes the no body-odor test. Works better than anything I've ever tried. Even at the end of a long day, I smell like... neutral nothingness. If more people knew about this the whole deodorant industry would go kaput.
Gosh, this is a weird comment, BUT YOU DID ASK...
OMG, it's like you live in my brain.
I am currently having Deodorant Wars 2011 WITH MYSELF.
I broke up with like 4 deodorants, threw them in the trash in our bathroom. (I rotate deodorants so they don't stop working.) I decided I was going to only buy deodorant that wouldn't give me cancer and I bought 4 at the health food store to replace the 4 that I threw away, including that goddamn hippie crystal bullshit. Guess what? The 4 that I bought don't work and I smell like I just worked overtime in a goddamn brothel.
Today I used deodorant that I dug out of my bathroom trash.
Tomorrow I will use my husband's deodorant.
MY HANDS ARE TIED.
I thought I'd try it just for fun and got a travel size. And by golly, it's not a magic hippie ROCK, it actually works! It has no scent and absolutely passes the no body-odor test. Works better than anything I've ever tried. Even at the end of a long day, I smell like... neutral nothingness.
I like the advanced solid. Although I agree its not solid.
Spray deodorant was also the hot thing when I was in fourth grade, although no one was whipping it out in the hallway between classes. It had the added advantage of deodorizing your feet, unlike an advanced solid.
That there...in the picture. That's the very exact deodorant that I use. And I do like it! It's the "clinical" protection which I need because I sweat a lot (ew!)(and sorry!) But it works great for me. I find that it doesn't take too long to absorb, but I agree that it's certainly not "solid".
I hate loud clicking deodorant, especially when it's the soft squishy kind. I have tried so many type and I always go back to Dove Ultimate Clear. No noise and it's super soft so it goes on smooth (not wet or thick) and never clumps.
I too prefer the crystal deodorants. They last FOREVER and feel like absolutely nothing on (so much so that I wasn't entirely sure I wasn't just rubbing a random piece of frosted glass under my arm until I realized I didn't stink).
I tried that stuff too! And I say POO! I now use "Certain Dri" Its a night time roll on (yes this is 1980) that works like nothing else I've ever tried! Its actually a anti perspriant (not deodrant) but I"ll use nothinge else now!
I don't like the non-solids because as I'm shoving them up my shirt to smear on my armpits I inevitably ALWAYS get it somewhere on the inside of my shirt and it takes forever to dry and sometimes stains my shirt and ugh. Yes, I feel your pain. Also, as an FYI, Tom's of Maine natural won't-give-you-cancer deodorant DOES NOT work. And I'm not even a big sweat-er.
I do like that kind of not-really-a-solid deodorant, but not the clear kind because it never dries and is awful and doesn't work.
I do like that kind, but it's not a solid! It's a firmer version of the gel. Lies!
I am not particularly up to date on the mass deaths of animals. Not sure I want to know, actually.
Apparently I use something from Secret called Scent Expressions that is "Clear Gel" but comes from tiny little dots and is in a scent that smells like peaches.
I am now ashamed I admitted that.
(I also have the kind you're holding, but you're supposed to put it on at night and not again in the morning, although they relaxed those rules, and that is just too weird for me + $10 for deodorant)
I use the Dove version of that. I do not enjoy that I have to click it eleventy jillion times to get it started, but it does work for me.
Gel deodorant is born of a jackal and can die in a fire.
I was having a deodorant crisis earlier this year. I'd overheard female trainers at the gym talk about how they loved dove so I tried that. Clearly I am more sweaty than them. My male personal trainer mentioned that he wears secret that he makes his wife buy because he's found it's the best. So I just use regular old secret solid. Which IS a solid; unlike the misinformation that Ms. Clinical light and fresh scent is spreading.
Heh. Actually I too am EXTREMELY particular about my deodorant. The ONLY brand I will use these days? Umm... that one right there in your picture. I'm sorry you two don't get along.
I also use the crystal and really like it. I am, however, a very light sweater (now that sounds ridiculous)
Over the holidays we decided very last minute to go visit family. It was so last minute that we packed in 15 minutes the morning we left the house, thus forgetting our toiletries on our bathroom counter. We arrived at our family's house late at night, Xmas Eve and discovered the missing items. Since it was late we figured we would find an open drug store on Xmas morning to pick up deodorant and toothbrushes. The next morning I borrowed shampoo, showered, and got dressed. On our way to my FIL's we stopped and I grabbed that exact deodorant figuring "Solid! I can put it on in the car under my shirt!" It wasn't until we had left the parking lot that my rage was unleashed when I realized it was not solid and could not be applied under my shirt at all. I had to wait until we reached my FIL's, lock myself in the only bathroom in a house with 23 other people, remove my shirt, deodorize, and then flap my arms hoping the crap would just dry already.
So yes, I completely understand your pain.
This is my favorite kind of deodorant, although it is terrible for you, since it is an anti-persperant and has all those terrible chemicals (aluminum something and something something) it it. But none of the natural stuff works (I am a sweaty, stinky girl).
TMI?
*sigh*
um yeah, I only use this kind too. But the brand they gave away at the BlogHer deodorant party.
Also, what is wrong with you people who can't get this stuff to dry? It dries on contact Very perplexed.
I completely understand your deodorant problem. I have a friend who uses the spray deodorant..she DEODORIZES (cause it's more like fumigation). ANYWAYS. I kinda like the gel, because I always ALWAYS use SO much solid.
(Also? Completely freaked out about the birds/fish. Glad to know it's not just me because WHY ISN'T ANYBODY SAYING ANYTHING?!)
Dove Invisible Solid in whatever scent comes in a multi-pack that day.
are we really sharing our deodorant recos? because i use arid gel and i LOVE it. the solid or not white stuff? always gets on my clothes. always.
I went through my own personal Deodorant Wars last year after deciding I no longer wanted to coat my armpits with nasty chemicals each day. So, I went to my local health food store, picked up a couple different types to try out, and spent about 4 months smelling like a homeless person from time to time (my boyfriend's description, not mine). After throwing my original choices out, I've finally settled on Arm & Hammer Essentials Natural Deodorant in Fresh scent. It's aluminum and paraben free, smells great, and keeps me smelling lovely all day. It's not a traditional white solid, but something I'd call a gel solid. Please don't let that deter you though, it isn't like hair gel in a deodorant tube at all! It feels ever so slightly damp but dries super quickly (< 5 seconds), goes on clear, doesn't stain my clothes. I highly recommend it. :)
ha. This is exactly what I use! It's most definitely NOT a solid, but it's really the only kind of deodorant I like. It's the only kind - for me, at least - that dries quickly and doesn't turn my clothing white.
I want this! I will trade you my mitchum clinical strength solid for it. I can never remember what the not-a-solid is called, and when combined with my husband's shopping skills (excellent, but not telepathic) I get random deodorants. I miss the DINK days of Kiehls.
OK - I totally hope this doesn't turn out sounding preachy, but you REALLY have to rethink the whole antiperspirant issue (which is what this is - not deodorant). It is SO BAD for your body - blocking your pores so you can't perspire and pouring in tons of aluminum and other s*&t. You must try using natural deodorants, which actually just prevent body odour, not actual sweating. Honestly, I was so skeptical, but it TOTALLY works! (Sorry about the excessive use of capitals...) Maybe the first few days, you sweat a bit more than usual, but after that, it's down to almost nothing, once your body gets used to not having to overproduce sweat to get through all the antiperspirant crap blockage. I use Weleda Wild Rose - love it! (http://usa.weleda.com/our-products/categories/deodorants.aspx) Seriously, I consider this a public service message - try googling about natural deodorants and the problems with antiperspirants. It will freak you out!
I haven't read the many other comments, but I use that exact same advanced solid! Try applying it every evening before bed. Shower in the morning, dry off, get dressed and BOOM - no residue on your clothes AND no pit stains or B.O.
It took a week or so to kick in but really, I'll never ever go back to the days of morning application and stained clothing. Oh and sweating while doing pretty much nothing.
I'm with you Metalina! This is not a solid! I HATE when I accidentally grab these kinds of deodorants instead of the honest-to-goodness solids. I like solids. REAL SOLIDS!
This post is a solid. Now that looks funny......solid.
I use Ban Roll-On...it's the only one that works for me! And, I don't like the powder scents either. Why would anyone want to smell like a freshly diapered ass?
I share your resentment of powder scents.
I use one just like that except it's blue and comes up in tiny dots. I lurve it. I agree that it's an evil lie to call it a solid though. Also. mine dries pretty quickly but it says on the label, "Feels dry instantly!" Which always pisses me off because, #1 Who the feck cares if it feels dry if it's gonna stain your shirt? and #2 It doesn't actually.
Plus #3, How can something feel dry and be wet? That's just crazy talk.
I do feel like it dries in only seconds though, and mine is clear and I've had no problems with shirt stainage. I'd love to embrace the whole natural no chemicals thing but every time I've tried it I just stink. And I'm not even a heavy sweater (though I wear them frequently, bwahhaha!)
I use the Dove version of what you have here. It isn't cheap. Which is why, after I dropped it on the floor and it would no longer ooze out of the holes, I continued to try to find a way to get the ooze out for three weeks. I finally broke down and bought more yesterday.
Wanna guess what I dropped this morning?
And, let's not overlook the fact that someone on My Strange Addiction probably eats this stuff...so you could always do that.
"...spend my evenings constructing a doomsday shelter out of what appear to be my most abundant resources: Anthropologie cardigans, and shoes. Accordingly, it will be whimsical, yet shoddy." almost sent soup flying out of my nose!
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